A Cauldron Full of Randomness
by Portuguese Chicka
Summary: Drabbles, sonfics, poems, oh my! So much randomness, so little time! R
1. Goodbye Ron

A Cauldron Full of Randomness

Chapter 1: Goodbye Ron - Based on: Goodbye Earl by Dixie Chicks

Summary: After Ron does something bad to Hermione, she and Lavender decide to take matters into their own hands.

Genre: Humor/Parody

Main Characters: Hermione Granger, Lavender Brown & Ron Weasley

* * *

Lavender and 'Mione were the best of friends

All through their Hogwarts years

Both members of the DA Club

Both active in the OTP *

After graduation Lavender went out

Lookin' for a bright new world

'Mione looked all around this town

And all she found was Ron

Well it wasn't two weeks

After she got married that

'Mione started gettin' abused

She put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses

And the charms to cover a bruise

Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce

She let the law take it from there

But Ron walked right through those protective charms

And put her in St. Mungo's care

Right away Lavender floo in from Atlanta

On a dark, cold stormy night

She held 'Mione's hand as they

Worked out a plan

And it didn't take long to decide

That Ron had to die

Goodbye Ron

Those cauldron cakes

They tasted all right to me Ron

You're feeling weak

Why don't you lay down

And sleep Ron

Ain't it dark

Wrapped up in that tarp Ron

The aurors came by to bring Ron in

They searched the flat

High and low

Then they tipped their hats

And said thank you ladies

If you hear from him just owl us

Well the weeks went by and

Spring turned to summer

And summer faded into fall

And it turns out he was a missing person

Who nobody missed at all

So the girls bought a shop

Near their favourite school

Out in old Hogsmeade Village

They sell pumpkin pasties

Every flavoured beans

And they don't

Lose any sleep at night

Cause Ron had to die

Goodbye Ron

We need a break

Lets go out to the lake Ron

Well pack a lunch

And shrink you in our trunks Ron

Well is that all right

Good lets go see the squidRon hey

Oh Hey Hey Hey

Ah Hey Hey Hey

Oh Hey Hey Hey

* * *

AN: The * is: OTP stands for Order of The Pheonix

How did you like it? Good? Bad? Review!


	2. I Dream

A Cauldron Full Of Randomness

Chapter 2: I Dream

Summary: Songfic to I Dream by Billie Piper. Hermione dreams about a certain someone.

Genre: Romance/Tragedy

Main Characters: Hermione Granger, Fred Weasley

NOTE: The final battle happens the day after Harry and Ginny's wedding (remember, its very important later on), the outcome is still the same...unfortunately :(

* * *

After a really long day at work, I quickly apparated (sp?) home to my flat and stumbled through the door as tears threatened to fall down my face. Walking to the loo, to wash my face, I stopped in the corridor where I had pictures hanging up on the wall of my friends, A smile tugged at my lips as I looked at a group shot.

On the right was Neville and Luna holding hands,they made such an odd couple, but it was obvious they were soul mates. Beside them was Harry with his arms around a very pregnant Ginny, and I believe about a week later, Albus Severus was born. Lastly, Ron and Lavender stood together looking so happy, especially after the birth of their first child Jonathan. That left me, not in the photo, but taking it instead. Ginny always tried setting me up on blind dates but they never worked. I was only in love with one person, _him_.

Tears rush down my face as I hurried to my bedroom where I quickly changed into night clothes. I slipped _his_ shirt over my head as his smell reached my nostrils, calming me. I lied down in bed and pulled the covers over my head. Slowly, sleep took over me as a smile reached my features.

---Dream---

_When I close my eyes you are by my side_

_and I can picture us together_

I was sitting in the garden outside the Burrow over looking the vast horizon. Ron and I just broke up after 4 months of dating and it was an awkward relationship as I only saw him as a brother.

I lade back on the grass and closed my eyes as I enjoyed the peace. A peace that was disturbed by footsteps coming my way. I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted with the smile of Fred Weasley.

"Hey 'Mione. I heard what happened...How are you holding up?" he asked while he took a seat beside me

"I'm fine actually, I just wanted to get away from the looks of pity."

I turned to face him and blushed at how close he was to me. I could see the small brown flecks randomly splattered in his bright blue eyes. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and I rested my head on his chest. We said nothing more, but watched the sun setting before us.

_Every night I pray there will be a way_

_and I can make it last forever_

After that night, I went to the same place in the garden at the same time praying that he would show up, He always did. Usually we talked to each other about common interests, school, his shop, even politics but sometimes we would just sit, watching the sunset and enjoying each others presence.

_I dream I'm dancing with you _

_and I can really move_

It was the day of Harry and Ginny's wedding. Thinking about their relationship, I realized childhood crushes never really go away. The happy couple and all of the guests were dancing and enjoying the food in the backyard of the Burrow. Looking at my watch, I quietly slipped away when I noticed it was time to go to the garden. When I arrived, Fred was watching the sun set but turned at the sound of my footprints. He flashed me a smile that made me want to melt.

"Hey" he greeted

"Hey"

"Would you like to dance?"

"We can't hear the music at the way out here..."

"It's okay, we don't need music to dance."He wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped mine around his neck. We slowly danced as our gazes locked.

_I dream your kissing me_

_and I can really feel it_

He slowly lowered his head towards mine as I realized what he was about to do. Raising my head to meet his, I allowed for our lips to collide. The feeling that rushed in me, was like nothing I had ever felt before. He slowly pulled away with a goofy grin on his face.

"So, Miss. Granger, would you do the honor of being my girlfriend?"

I paused for a minute and thought about all the nights we spent together, the way his smile made me melt and everything he did would make my heat thump like crazy.

"Well, of course Mr. Weasley, I would be honored to be your girlfriend" I said as I pulled him into another kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist as we once again, began to dance.

_I dream I'm dancing with you_

_until we lose control_

Fred spun my around really fast causing me to stumble and trip over his feet. As I felt my self falling I gripped onto the front of his jacket causing us both to tumble to the ground. We than burst out laughing at the situation as I felt tears cascading down my face from laughing so hard. I wiped my face and noticed he wasn't laughing but staring at me intensely.

_I dream I'm loving you _

_with all my heart and soul_

"Fred?"

"'Mione, I love you"

"What?"

" I – I know I kinda just put that out there, but it's true. Ever since the first night we were together, and I don't know why but I felt that I had to tell you today, or I may never get another chance."

I looked at him, letting what he said sink in as four words popped into my mind and I said them out loud.

"I love you too"

---Dream End---

I sat up in my bed as tears ran down my face.

"Why! Why did he have to be killed! I want to be with him!" I yelled to no one in particular.

A sudden thought flashed in my mind and I jumped from my bed with a smile on my face. I ran to the loo and opened the drawer where I kept all my muggle medicine and pulled out a bottle of headache pills and poured its entire contents in my cupped hand. I slowly took one at a time until everything went black.

* * *

It's weird being at your own funeral. Everyone so sad, wearing black and reminiscing about the good old days. Currently I was looking at Ginny who was a bundle of nerves, shaking and crying and being lead into the Burrow by Harry. I think that's the only time I felt bad. Leaving everyone, hurting them. I had gone through that enough, and the brave gryffindor took the cowardly way out. I looked at the clock in the house and walked to the garden.

That's when I saw him. Staring at the sunset just like that night so many years ago. He turned to me and flashed me a smile that made me melt. He extended his hand my way and I ran and grabbed it. We turned and walked towards the sunset, slowly fading away. We were going to be together, and it wasn't just a dream.

* * *

AN: What do you think? The last scene when Hermione sees Fred in the garden, it's kinda like the last scene in Titanic after Rose died. Hoped you liked it and stay tuned.


	3. Truck Load of Sexyness

A Cauldron Full of Randomness

Chapter 3: Truck Load of Sexy-ness

Summary: MWPP Era. Drabble. Conversation between Sirius and James in the morning. During the summer at James house.

Genre: Humor

Main Characters: Sirius Black, James Potter

"Speach"

_"Thoughts"_

* * *

"Padfoot! Hurry up! I have to go pee!" James yelled knocking at the door.

He went back to his room and looked at the clock. His eyes widened as he noticed the time.

"_10:00am! Lily will be here in half an hour and I'm not even ready! Padfoots been in there for longer than an hour! That's it."_

James stormed down the hall and pushed open the door, to be greeted by Sirius looking at himself in the mirror.

"Just what are you doing!? Please don't tell me you were looking at yourself in the mirror the whole time. Lily will be here in half an hour!"

"Sorry if I take pride in my appearance. We're going to Diagon Alley and who knows how many beautiful ladies are going to be there!"

"Where's a pin? You ego has inflated sooo much that it's choking me!"

"Shut up Prongs. I just need one more final look in the mirror and done! Now I'm ready! I'm a truck load of sexy-ness!" Sirius exclaimed walking out of the room.

"Truck load of sexy-ness?"

1 hour later – Diagon alley

James and Lily were seated at a table in the Three Broomsticks as James remembered what Sirius said earlier,

"Lils, do you think I'm a truck load of sexy-ness?"

"No."

"What!?"

"You're a entire planet load of sexy-ness"

"Aw Lils, you know just how to brighten my day" He said and leaned over and kissed her.

* * *

AN: If you have any shout outs, post them with a review and Ill add them to the next updated chapter! Also if you have any requests about a certain theme, pairing or character submit them with a review and I'll take them into consideration!


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